Since I started seeing Sir I have been working hard to hold orgasms until I am told to cum or until I ask and permission is granted. This has proven difficult as I hit rolling orgasms quite easily and why deny, right? I have to say I think there have only been one or two slip ups or very near half misses which I count as a minor miracle. I have also been tasked with learning to remain quiet...no actually silent. I think this is a much more difficult task in some ways. I have found though that through the silence I am able to be in some ways more present to the experience. I am finding that in the really deep moments if I can stay afloat, the orgasm is magnified - exponentially. Drifting into myself in such a way that I actually block out everything/one else has been my chosen path (remaining true to my hedonistic nature) up to this point. Staying in the space, while more difficult, offers up far greater possibilities.
Interestingly I never really considered the counter to withholding orgasms and asking permission to cum, which is the whole point of the post. Through learning to listen and, as it were, cum-on-command it would appear that I am now able to (surprise) cum-on-command. It really hit a whole new level though, one I had not given consideration to. Mick who writes (Under Contract to my Wife) talks often of his "pavlovian" response. It would seem that I too am as easy to train as Pavlov's Dogs.
I have been in a little trouble this week. I was being a little mouthy last night. I said something to Sir about him being a manipulative. He says no, I think yes, he says what I believe does not matter. He seems to think he just elicits from people their most base desires. I still think he manipulates. Whether they/we are being lead or coerced is neither here nor there anyway - he is like the pied piper for subs. He spoke to me about how he is not manipulating, just...facilitating.
He spoke to me about the new man-thing I am considering playing with as a Mistress. How I will not be a Dom, like he is a Dom. (I do not want to be a Dom like he is a Dom. I like my role as Mistress or Top, thank you!) The conversation quiets for a second. He is thinking. He changes tack. I can hear his tone change. He gets this shift in his voice when he is hatching a plan, when he strikes a new idea he knows will drive his point home.
"You know that while I talk to you, you get wet."
"You know if I told you to cum now, without touching yourself you could."
"I could have you so your cum is dripping down your legs."
"You know if I told you to cum ten times right now, you could."
This is interesting, mainly because he does not like for me to cum outside of our sessions but also because I do not really believe it. I wonder if he is just throwing it out there as an idea.
His voice was soft and deadly, "So you could cum for me now, slut. Do not touch yourself."
I was mid-protest, mid-"I can't" when I felt the thrill of a build start in my belly and engulf me before I could get the words out. There lying on the couch, nothing other than his word and I was writhing mid-cum. Against everything I am outside of who I am with him, I had to ask, "Please, Sir, Please?"
"You have my permission to cum. You will cum when I tell you to. Cum now and quiet, slut. No noise."
As my orgasm faded away his voice was in my ear "Again, slut, now, " and another one rose to meet me where the first had left.
I gasped and groaned heavily into the cushion. I was clenching, twisting and his voice - I can only describe it as a whisper but one that comes to me like a shout - "Silence!"
Before I had reached the final shudder he spoke "Now cum for me slut."
They were fast and hard and building in intensity. I was shaking. He was demanding. "Again" or "Now." and there I would go again. I was gasping for air but trying to keep my breathing steady to maintain his need for silence.
"Are you counting? No? That is five now, little slut. Cum for me now."
I was slick and wet, shaking. My stomach was starting to hurt and then I was lost. Over and over I could not pause for breath. I was quiet, nigh silent but still he knew the instant I was riding down the wave and he pulled me back up to dive in once again. I felt like someone was holding my head under water and only allowing me half a second up to breathe. I lost all sense of everything, my cunt dripped, my stomach ached and he paused. Here, when I thought I was done, he told me to cum again. I could feel the wetness, the heat. I was gasping and clenching and then there it was, that one where I have to sit up more and I feel my eyes grow wide, my breath catch in my throat. A silent second and my eyes roll, my back arches and I tremble, embracing the cum as it washes over me. Finally he allows me to be done and I collapse back onto the couch.
I could not and still cannot understand - I did not even have the chance to think anything through, there was no stimulation, no build in, not even a hint of fantasy and there I was - my cup truly had runneth over and made a slick mess on my legs and the couch.
"Now" he says. "Do you know how many times you came?"
"Why not?" Although I suspect he knew the answer.
"I..I...I can't think, Sir. I couldn't..."
He laughed. "E-le-ven times." He broke the word eleven into three words. "Now you cum eleven times in less than five minutes. You cum without touching yourself. You cum because I tell you to cum. That is a Dom. That is why I am a Dom and you are not."
I have nothing left but a tiny, humbled "Yes, Sir."