So I have been trying my very hardest not to do it. As the urge has pulled me I have pushed back. I have tried to back out, back away. I have used every excuse I could throw out there. I have been sad and mad and everything in between.
Now here I am in my kitchen, happier than the proverbial pig in shit.
I make lashings of beautiful lasagna. Out of necessity I am trialing gluten free things at the moment. I make beef and guiness pies, pork ribs, pastas, Moroccan chicken, apple strudel, chocolate puddings, shepards pie, lamb shanks, cheese cakes. I make all of the pastries and pastas from scratch, trialing the new flours. They feel different. This will take me a while to get used to it and I don't pretend to like it.
I think I love the cheese cakes the most. They are cute little ones.
I use smooth ricotta, cream cheese, egg yolks, eggs, vanilla and brown sugar in my cheese cakes. It gives them the soft glow of caramel. They are rich and sweet and of course I use salted butter in the base. Dollops of softly whipped cream, a few strawberries and it is bliss.
I look at my failed attempts of avoiding doing this thing and I can't remember why because it is exactly what I want to be doing. It is what I love. I am cooking - with purpose. I am cooking for him.