Sunday

Getting Real

I am struggling at the moment, fair readers, with the editing of my blog.  I will let you in on a secret.  I play a little harder than what I write about.  I want to be honest, I really do, but there are somethings I skirt around a bit....and there are other things I skirt around a lot.  What I suppose would normally take half an hour to an hour to write takes me painful hours of deliberation trying to make sure you can understand why I am in the emotional headspace I am in without being too explicit...Don't for one second think I am anything less than honest.  Everything I am feeling and experiencing is real for me, it is just some of the physical stuff I am careful with - especially since I know some of the people who read...

So what do you think, guys?  For those of you who blog yourselves, especially the subbly bunch, what do you hold back?  Do you hold anything back?  Do any of your real-time friends read or know about your life?

I personally find the duality difficult.  I am not used to holding back anything from anyone.  I am about as much a what-you-see-is-what-you-get person as you can get.  Most of my close girlfriends know.  A few of my close male friends know.  My sister-in-law knows.  

The people I have around me love me and think I am crazy.  They have always thought that though, so this just serves to confirm it.  They shake their heads or say they always knew, even when I used to play back in the day, they knew.  None of them have felt it appropriate to even feign shock.  I wonder about that.  What is it about me that screams kink?  Not that it matters.  If I have always known, then why would everyone else have been oblivious?  I will say though that there was a bit of a murmur when I said I had a Sir.  It was expected that I have pup, but a Sir for you?   That has quite possibly been the most interesting part.  The reaction (especially some of my rabbidly feminist friends *waves*) to the idea of me submitting.  I have found that treatment of me is reflective of how people react to life in general.  Some of them read here religiously, some read occasionally, some don't read at all.  Some want details, want more from me, some ask and then don't ask, look and beg curiosity and then get squeemish - they are the ones who enjoy thinking things are terrible.  Some want to talk about the emotional side, want to understand the reasoning, the need, the desire.  Some want to talk about the physical.  As long as I am safe and happy they don't really care about TTWD. 

It makes me wonder how much of hiding and closeting BDSM really has to do with other people and how much it has to do with how we percieve ourselves.  People know there is 'kink' out there.  People, all people, have their fetishes.

I am not planning on handing out business cards with my blog-link to the other mums at my kids' new school, but really...this is part of who I am SO this is my warning to all you who look me in the eye.  I am going to start gradually being more honest on here.  You will be reading more of the physical realities of TTWD.  If you think there is even the slightest possibility that you will be uncomfortable - stop reading.  If you are reading out of morbid curiosity - stop reading.  If you think I am a terrible person - stop reading.  If you are a little turned on, you have my mobile number, give me a call....

I am good at keeping the pieces of my life whole within me and separate out of the necessity of life but that is something we all do.  You wear your daughter hat for your mum but it doesn't sit on your head at the office.  You wear your office hat at work, but not as a lover.  Your hats are all there, tucked away, to be pulled on when needed.  My BDSM-side is the same.  It is just a collar, not a hat!

So the questions were: 
For those of you who blog yourselves, what do you hold back?  Do you hold anything back? 
Do any of your real-time friends read or know about your life?
Why do you think we hide TTWD?

9 comments:

J said...

Hmmm - tricky, tricky. I grapple with these exact same issues. It's hard to tell the whole truth when you know some of the people involved are reading. If something has been particularly dramatic or painful or emotional, I don't blog about it, because I know the other people involved would find it hard. But that defeats the purpose of having a blog in the first place!

There are specific types of play that I don't blog about, because my partner specifically asked me not to. It's such a shame, because I'm DYING to share, but I have to respect his wishes. Maybe one day!

Jx

Mick and Molly said...

Here in River City Mick and Molly are upstanding citizens with teenaged kids, Moms, and other relatives. So we have to keep our kinky side in deep background so as to avoid embarassing the kids, Moms, etc.

Do I hold anything back in the blog?

Nothing about ourselves, other than maybe some ups and downs in our own relationship. We can have a n angsty day, when Mistress flashes back to something that makes her feel insecure. Or a typical marital snit. I figure that's not part of the theme of my daily love letter to Mistress. So I keep it upbeat.

and sometimes Mistress may agonize a bit about the ups and downs of her relationship with M. I don't go into that because she probably does not want me to share with him all of her ocassional angst about that.

Other than that we let it all hang out for all of you crazy readers.

aisha said...

Great questions!

Of course I hold back some - but not a whole lot. I think some things are private, and that's ok. What I write is all true, and I do go pretty far. I hold back things that would affect other people, for sure. Emotionally, I try to be brutally honest.

There are a few people who know about me IRL who I knew before I started practicing TTWD. I don't know if they read my blog or not. My previous "Sir" reads me - I know him IRL, but after kink.

Sometimes, I plan how I'll handle it if I get "outed." But I'd just as soon it didn't happen...

Thanks for your thoughtful posts - I'm looking forward to you being less reserved!

aisha

Heaven said...

I don't know that I hold back anything. I am a very candid person to begin with. I share a lot about TTWD ... the good, the bad, the ugly and just real life stuff. If I am describing a discipline or scene I don't leave out anything because I don't like the idea of hiding things. If a newbie comes across my blog I want her or him to know that its not "just play" and that there is a reality to this type of life.

A couple of my real life friends are followers of my blog, my sponsor from Celebrate Recovery knows, as for family, my mom, step mom and two of four sisters know. (One of my sisters is too young to know.) There are a few other friends that know but I'm not "out" so to speak to the whole world, unless they read my blog.

I think we hide our kink because of society and the law. Kink is not widely accepted (especially in the US.) In some, if not all countries, TTWD could be called Domestic Violence and I know for me and maybe others with children, protecting my family and my Dom is the most important thing to me. There is also the issue of "equality" in the US, and truthfully I think we would all get along better if those that want to be submissive could feel safe doing it and the same for the Dom/mes as well. Hiding feelings and desires is part of what causes people to go off the deep end. I mean look at most serial killers, they are "Sadists." Don't you think that if they had been given the opportunity to be open without fear the desires could have been kept managed and not spun out of control?

*Hugs*
Humbly M's,
Heaven

xantu said...

I do not hold back about anything but I keep my blog very separate from my public life. My work,family and 'nilla friends kind of know I have some kind of a subservient relationship with my husband. (ranging from full on knowledge to the 'it is a traditional 50's type household' euphemisms) but none of them have a clue that I have a blog.

I think of my blog as the one place where I can let my hair down and talk about all those things I want to shout from the roof tops and am constrained by both social and Master's rules about secrecy.

I think if I knew that my kids or mom, or that guy in the hall at work read my blog, it would totally bind me up, block that freedom... and without this outlet I might just implode.

sin said...

Great questions, and I might write a post about this.

I hold back things that will hurt people who read. Because there are people who read my blog who are involved in stuff that's emotional or painful.

A couple of my real time friends know about my submissiveness and one knows about my blog. He would like to read it but I haven't given him the url. I'm worried about being outed to family and friends and work.

And why do I keep it a secret? Two huge reasons: I think that it would colour my professional image and my kids would be appalled.

nilla said...

i put it out in bits and pieces on my blog, whenever i have been with Sir. That stuff is all true tho i may *write* it as a story.

coz that's how it all started for me...as a storyteller.

and fantasy. Dreaming. Wanting. And that is how i go on with bits and pieces of the real me coming out now and again.

No one in my real life knows the full extent of my kink.

my wife knows i like bondage. That i'm "into" it, but i think she things it as a passing phase. She found my alt blog and read one part of one story, and i told her it was to vent coz we don't have sex. Like. at all. Like that part died after 23 years? Coz the last 7 have been...well, let's just say *i* don't remember taking vows.

So, to all intents and purposes, i'm still living in a kinky closet.

i applaud your choice to share whatever you are most comfortable doing. If you are spending hours editing and it's not grammar...then you're right, there's something missing...and i think you're turning the key in that lock is so fucking amazing and brave.

nilla
ps you can always start an alt blog...i'm outed as snow9, but i have one other that no one knows is me....

LambChop said...

I hold back, WE hold back a little. Obviously our identities are secret. I'm not ashamed of our relationship; I'm PROUD of our love, but we must remain under cover.
In 'real life' I'm very private about my sex life, and ESPECIALLY my kink. Although I write about A LOT sexually on the blog...things I would NEVER talk to anyone except my lover about... I DO leave things out. I mostly leave out minutiae, because I find it boring. I prefer brevity in my tales of adventure!

FuckToy said...

Interesting question. I always notice that when I have feelings and thoughts that I don't want to share on my blog, I have to go through a process of figuring out why. The interesting thing is that Master reads my blog. Sometimes, I've been honest on my blog first - then we deal with the reality of it together. So, I hold nothing back. As long as it relates to my sexual exploration. And the dynamics of my relationship with Master.

My reasons for hiding . . . . I do keep my blog anonymous and never intend to reveal my identity. I do have about 6 friends who know. But my family grieves the fact that I left the Mormon church. After I told my mom that I've smoked marijuana, that I drink alcohol, that I love coffee, that I have a tattoo - she cried. And said she can't handle one more thing. So, if she found out I had a blog like Becoming Fuck Toy?! Yeah. I think it would be the end of her! And I think my dad or my brother would punch Master! No need to go there!

But I love my life and want to scream about it from the roof tops! I guess that's why I blog!

Thanks for a great question!